Wednesday, April 09, 2008

The Most Messed Up Shirt I've Ever Found


I have seen a lot of crazy things printed on t-shirts out here but this has to be the weirdest yet. I bought it because it was $5 and because it was so crazy I couldn't just leave it there for some unsuspecting Korean. It's like someone wrote a fan-fiction novella but English isn't their first language. Hahaha! Here, I typed it out in case you can't read it yourself (when you click on the picture). It's all about different hip-hop artists.

Trouble Everyday
Kelis is not in a good mental place today. "I'm frustrated. I'm tired. I am fucking irritated."

Not a good time to talk, then?
"Listen, baby. I am exactly where I ant to be Shoot."
She speaks as she finds, this one. Over a late-night dinner at her favourite London restaurant- she orders, naturally- Kelis will run replete through a dizzying gamut of emotional extremity. When she cracks a jibe, she appears to be infected by the playful venom of Joan Rivers. When she camps it up, she has the ferocity of a drag act. When she gossips, she shames the National Enquirer. When she's digging on her fiance- rap supremo Nas- she has the intensity of a hip hop Lady Macbeth. And when she is angry? She is very fucking angry indeed.

Welcome to Kelis. A joint where the milkshakes are rarely dished up in half-measures. We ought to establish that Kelis has been burnt by the music industry since her 1999 entree into it. If she has bite- and baby, she has it by rewind.

The close of the last century was a fruitful place for a certain son of man-bating musical demographic. TLC had scooped the rocord of the year with No Scrubs. Beyonce and sidekicks had begun their astronomical ascendancy to genre-busting worold domination with Bills, Bills, Bills. Lil' Kim- and her genius call-to-arms for all chunkily penised boys to do her right and do her good- still mattered. Slut literacy was at its most defiant. Sorority school feminism ruled.

White- label 12 dropped at the end of the year. White- label 12 dropped at the end of the year.

Just explain to me, what's up with the fork and spoon??

3 comments:

monielove said...

HAHAH! OH GOD, that is totally crazy. It's like some super warped fan-fiction. I love the phrase "chunkily penised boys" (wtf?!)..and what IS up with the fork and spoon?!

Kirsty Bryce said...

That actualy sounds to me like it was written by a British person... maybe in one of those tacky Brit music mags? And then stolen by a Korean t-shirt designer who didn't quite grasp it?

Anonymous said...

I have a tshirt with the same text and but with the biggest misspells.