Wednesday, April 09, 2008

The Most Messed Up Shirt I've Ever Found

I have seen a lot of crazy things printed on t-shirts out here but this has to be the weirdest yet. I bought it because it was $5 and because it was so crazy I couldn't just leave it there for some unsuspecting Korean. It's like someone wrote a fan-fiction novella but English isn't their first language. Hahaha! Here, I typed it out in case you can't read it yourself (when you click on the picture). It's all about different hip-hop artists.

Trouble Everyday
Kelis is not in a good mental place today. "I'm frustrated. I'm tired. I am fucking irritated."

Not a good time to talk, then?
"Listen, baby. I am exactly where I ant to be Shoot."
She speaks as she finds, this one. Over a late-night dinner at her favourite London restaurant- she orders, naturally- Kelis will run replete through a dizzying gamut of emotional extremity. When she cracks a jibe, she appears to be infected by the playful venom of Joan Rivers. When she camps it up, she has the ferocity of a drag act. When she gossips, she shames the National Enquirer. When she's digging on her fiance- rap supremo Nas- she has the intensity of a hip hop Lady Macbeth. And when she is angry? She is very fucking angry indeed.

Welcome to Kelis. A joint where the milkshakes are rarely dished up in half-measures. We ought to establish that Kelis has been burnt by the music industry since her 1999 entree into it. If she has bite- and baby, she has it by rewind.

The close of the last century was a fruitful place for a certain son of man-bating musical demographic. TLC had scooped the rocord of the year with No Scrubs. Beyonce and sidekicks had begun their astronomical ascendancy to genre-busting worold domination with Bills, Bills, Bills. Lil' Kim- and her genius call-to-arms for all chunkily penised boys to do her right and do her good- still mattered. Slut literacy was at its most defiant. Sorority school feminism ruled.

White- label 12 dropped at the end of the year. White- label 12 dropped at the end of the year.

Just explain to me, what's up with the fork and spoon??


Anonymous said...

HAHAH! OH GOD, that is totally crazy. It's like some super warped fan-fiction. I love the phrase "chunkily penised boys" (wtf?!)..and what IS up with the fork and spoon?!

Kirsty Bryce said...

That actualy sounds to me like it was written by a British person... maybe in one of those tacky Brit music mags? And then stolen by a Korean t-shirt designer who didn't quite grasp it?

Anonymous said...

I have a tshirt with the same text and but with the biggest misspells.